there's a light in your eyes...

“How could I say goodbye?”

How am I supposed to go back to where I came from with everything that I’ve experienced here in this city? I’ve been exposed to the purest love, a tragically relentless feeling of inspiration, and an unclouded man with deep eyes. It feels wrong to laugh so far away from those eyes and that room where we shared a bed like a coffin with such  complete stares. I made him promise me to never stop looking at me that way. I need to get back to the city where life and love and happiness are free and clear and deeply right. Because leaving the city is wrong. Following my footsteps back to the place I came from is a crime. Leaving here is a crime. I feel I’ve been gutted to tears. I was a climber of heights and then my eyes collapsed, watching the peaks crumble down into the depression of the valleys of suburbia. I’m giving it all up, my life as I know it here in The Safe Nothing, to begin again – to begin living – to become devotedly aware of that sea and that sun and that sky in the eyes of the man who held me like a trembling flower. When I woke up this morning, I was in bed in the Moore Hotel. Room 517. I was lying awake to the morning while the man I love lay sleeping quietly still. Then he, noticing my quickening movements of consciousness, called me closer to him. And I knew I was home. I knew it was the only place where I was truly home. And now I’m on an airplane, looking out at the desperate horizon of the evening. It is the color of a red flame and burnt orange and it fades into the purest azure of blue. And I am writing this stupid fucking piece so that maybe I can feel something tragically beautiful in my frozen retreat back to suburbia - The Valley of misery and suffering. I feel it in my chest. I feel it in my bones. I felt alive and golden in room 517. Leaving that amorous glare was the pain and longing. It surfaces and it is like I’ve never known before. The city to which he belongs is the city to which I know I belong. I love myself as I love him, and I curse this unwanted withdrawal, this undesirable evacuation from the city. This flight is an act of hatred against the heart. 

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Look on down from the bridge
There's still fountains down there

Look on down from the bridge
It's still raining, up here

Everybody seems so far away from me
Everybody just wants to be free

Look away from the sky
It's no different when you're leaving home

I can't be the same thing to you now
I'm just gone, just gone
How could I say goodbye?
How could I say goodbye?
Goodbye

Maybe I'll just place my hands over you
And close my eyes real tight

There's a light in your eyes
And you know--yeah, you know

Look on down from the bridge
I'm still waiting for you